Show Journal 2001-09-09
Day 17 – I bathed in a truck stop sink today. The water was cloudy but I didn’t care. Home is only 550 miles away which is still a very, very long drive home. We ate at Dick’s Burgers in Spokane which was a great detour for us. For the final home stretch Justin volunteered to drive. He hadn’t driven the van since California!!! I think something is coming over him. His hair isn’t spiked up, he’s willingly driving and at one point he actually requested to hear a Danzig album. Poor child. We arrived at home without incident and all in all I would consider the trip a success. The final reading on the Painometer was just over 8400 miles … our longest tour to date! Thanks to everyone who came to see us, helped us book shows and made this fun for us. Special thanks to Kevin for enduring us and this trip!!! I can’t remember laughing so much on a trip like this so thanks again for being fun to hang out with and for just being Kevin!
Show Journal 2001-09-08
Day 16 – Damn it’s cold today. I think the high was around 46. The fly swatters are working well and are giving the Nintendo a run for it’s money. Today’s drive was really long. Most other drives were between 500-600 miles. Today’s was 800 with another 800 miler tomorrow as well. At one point during the drive Justin was sleeping with his eyes open, snoring loudly and had 4 flies hovering around his crotch. The show tonight was great. Amazing turnout for such a small town. Special mention to the “loadie” which is slang for someone who is “mother fucking loaded”. I missed JM vs JM but Kevin said they rocked. Coldsnap 9 totally kicked ass and was very impressive. Switch Two 47 rocked hard as well. They have come a long way since our show last year and hopefully we can play with them again. During our set we had a guest vocalist wearing a gorilla mask and an 800 Octane girly t-shirt. We have no idea who it was. Too bad Kevin was in the bathroom and missed the masked one. Thanks to Switch Two 47 for hooking us up with the show!!! You guys rock!!! We drove until about 5:00 AM and stayed in another roadside rest stop.
Show Journal 2001-09-07
Day 15 – The drive to Aberdeen was a rainy one. Appropriate weather for the return of Worlds Most Boring Band to the town where we were given that title. The highlight of the trip happened today at Kevin’s expense. At a Wal-Mart in Aberdeen Kevin, Dave and Justin all went into a bathroom. Kevin walked into a stall while Dave and Justin did their business at some urinals. During that time someone else walked into the bathroom. Kevin had no idea and in an effort to amuse Dave and Justin he announced in a loud voice “Hello Aberdeen … are you ready to rock?” Dave and Justin busted out laughing while the outsider stood in fear from what was happening in the stall next to him. Classic. At the Wal-Mart we bought 2 fly swatters. We also bought some Febreeze and are threatening to give someone a “Febrath.” After that we headed over to the club. It was still closed so we ate a little cafe next door. The place looked pretty unassuming but was the home of the best Italian food I’ve had in years. After that we walked to the arcade where the show was happening. It was empty and Justin and I engaged in a wacky game of ‘horse’ on the basketball machine they had. After that was nap time for the band. The show tonight was amazing. The opening act was a local kid who sang funny songs on an acoustic guitar. The second band was absolutely incredible. I asked what they sounded like before they played and the bass played simply responded with “we’re … uhhmm … heavy”. They were beyond heavy, they were the heaviest. 2 guitars with full stacks, 2 bass players with ampeg cabinets, one insane drummer (who plays naked) and 4 of the 5 sing/scream. It was some of the most aggressive and violent music I’ve ever heard. Needless to say I liked it. Their set was only 20 minutes. During the last song the guitar player dived into the drums, the bass players were crashing into the crowd, the other guitar player was throwing stuff and the naked drummer was also smashing the drums. As if guided by destiny just as this climax of their set was unfolding the police showed up. After seeing about 5 seconds of this they threatened to break up the show. In the end they didn’t but I think some of the other band members got tickets and/or warnings. Everyone was totally amped after the pervious bands set and went nuts for us. I think we played an extra 30 minutes which was really cool for us. People jumped, shouted and even crowd surfed. One girl messed up her ankle pretty bad and had to go to the hospital so we wish her the best. Some kid after the show told us that he “heard we were assholes”. On the bright side at least he had heard of us? Big thanks to everyone who made this the best show of our tour and extra thanks to Matt for setting up the show. After the show we went out to eat with Tanya and Rob and had some late night greasy breakfast food. After dinner we slept at a rest stop somewhere in North Dakota.
Show Journal 2001-09-06
Day 14 – Another well needed truck stop shower today. Especially after waking up with flies on my face. The drive today was uneventful at best … at least until Jim drove and we had 3 or 4 near rear end collisions. We arrived early (and alive) and stopped at the Mall of Americas to kill some time. When we got to the 7th Street we were delighted to learn we were playing with The Gamits and The Fairlanes both of which we are fairly good acquaintances with. We were way early so Dave, Kevin and I took a cab over to the Museum of Questionable Medical Devices. Pretty cool little museum with lots of neat and amusing stuff. I still can’t decide what the medical advantages of a rectal warmer is though. After that we went to a swanky Japanese restaurant and treated Dave to his birthday dinner. The show tonight was awesome. The Gamits and Fairlanes totally rocked and I can see why they are getting popular these days. Grotto also kicked plenty of ass on thier own. Jim had a particularly exciting night and proved it by drinking himself into a vomiting mess in the basement of the club. Thanks to Chuck and Casey for coming out to the show and hooking us up with a place to stay.
Show Journal 2001-09-05
Day 13 – Woke up this morning and took a shower. If you travel I would highly recommend TA truck stops. Their showers are the bomb. We made a detour to House on the Rock today … the indescribable tourist destination in Spring Green, Wisconsin. Since we slept late Dave, Justin and Kevin ran through the house in just under 52 minutes. Usually it takes 4 hours. Jim and I cleaned the van and located any clothes which were contaminated with “the funk of 40,000 years”. We saw a lot of Milwaukee today since we drove through at rush hour. We were running really late today and played Goldeneye to pass the time. The amount of smack talking that surrounds a game of Goldeneye in amazing. I find myself saying things I would never say if not for the empowering nintendo controller. We have lots of flies in the van which is very annoying. We try to kill them with Dave’s porn but he doesn’t care for that. Green bay was really small. I figured any city with a football team would be huge but not Green Bay. Unknown to us the show tonight was supposed to be cancelled. It’s too confusing to explain but in a nutshell the La-Donnas cancelled but our friends in the Shut-Ups kept the show happening and got other bands for us to play with. We owe them a huge favor now and can’t thank them enough for their help!!! Special thanks to Lugs for the help with a place to stay and just being cool as hell!!! The Shut-Ups have a new lineup and I thought they kicked ass. After them was Death and Taxes and they totally rocked. Their singer was an absolute maniac. I always love charismatic singers … even if they do almost hit you with a ladder. Despite the small turnout the show was lots of fun. Amazingly this 20 person show was more fun than the previous nights crowd of 200. After the show Dave was offered $50 for … shall we say … a sexual favor from a girl in town? We told him he was crazy for not taking the money. He probably couldn’t live with the shame of being a male prostitute. Dave the gigolo. Funny. Another truck stop evening.
Show Journal 2001-09-04
Day 12 – Iowa is great to drive in for about 30 minutes then it just sucks. So boring it’s almsot painful. We were almost killed today by a truck hauling an oversize boat doing about 85 mph on the shoulder. We got a message from the show promoter saying he was dropping us from the show tonight. It was a misunderstanding that got worked out but for about 2 hours it was a very quiet van ride. We saw Air Force One flying today. Dave is obsessed with his collection of porn story books that he bought and teaches us many new terms and phrases while on the road. Once again the show was kind of weird. There were about 200 people there but most were emo/indie rock fans. For us this crowd usually returns blank stares and scattered applause when we play. Tonight was no exception. I’m sure someone out there liked it but was afraid to admit it. My guitar jack broke in mid set tonight and is now rendered unplayable for the rest of the tour. Despite the poor reaction and equipment failures we played remarkably well and are all amazed Dave still has his voice. After us was Notaword and they were really cool to meet and watch play. After their set and enduring the lingering feeling of resentment from the crowd we opted to leave early and decided to head over to Gino’s East for some pizza. God I love that place. We stayed at a Wisconsin truck stop where Kevin bought a device known as the ‘hillbilly persuader’.
Show Journal 2001-09-03
Day 11 – Ahhh … the gloroius midwest. Why is “the heartland” so boring to drive through? We ate at a Country Kitchen for breakfast and it ruled. I played 1080 for hours on end to pass the time. Tonight we went to see The Gamits and The Fairlanes in Omaha but it turns out they had cancelled. Feeling disappointed with our detour we decided to stay in a hotel outside of Omaha. We all stayed up late doing laundry and watching TV. Our title of “the world’s most boring band” remains unchallenged.
Show Journal 2001-09-02
Day 10 – We woke up this morning practically on fire from the heat. Once we got rolling with the AC it was a really nice drive. We ate at a cool diner somewhere in Colorado for lunch. We got to the 15th Street Tavern at 8:00 and were scared for our lives. During the first 5 minutes there was a fight in the restroom while Kevin was stuck in a stall. Apparantly they started hitting each other while Kevin sat frozen hoping the walls would not collapse on him. A few minutes later the two were kicked out and came back in the bar for another round of fighting. One left, went to his car and returned. Kevin and Jim swear he went to get a weapon but they were both evicted before any more fighting ensued. I was scared but the heavy metal friendly jukebox quelled my fears. My knowledge of Iron Maiden lyrics has frightened Jim and Dave. Around 10:00 the bar population started to shift to a much cooler and much less intimidating crowd. The opening band tonight was called ‘Man’ and consisted of one guy who plays bass and a kick drum and sings some of the harshest and most angry songs I’ve ever heard. Man was awesome and we were all very impressed. Our set was so so. We played very aggressively and pretty well but only a handful of people really seemed to enjoy it. It’s frustrating to give so much and get so little. Oh well. That’s life. Another truck stop night.
Show Journal 2001-09-01
Day 9 – This morning we drove out of the way to see Zion national park in Utah but no one wanted to spend the $20 vehicle fee so we turned around at the front gate. Cheap bastards will pay $5 for a mixed drink but won’t spend $4 to see a national monument. Finally we have a show tonight. The 4 days off in Vegas made me forget me were on tour. A girl in a gift shop asked if we were coordinating outfits because we were all wearing black shirts with white writing. Nice. Our van oil has been leaking ever since Dave and Justin took it to a shop in LA. They went for an oil change and the garage insisted that we needed to replace part of the differential because it was “going to explode” if we didn’t spend $400 to get it fixed. It’s been running fine for a long time so Dave and Jim left without fixing “the problem”. Now it leaks oil so we are very suspicious. After a few road side oil additions we eventually stopped at a truck stop and Jim climbed under the van to seal the oil leak temporarily. It appears that someone pulled the oil seal with a pair of pliers which confirms our foul play theory. Fucking mechanics. We arrived in SLC to play at a club where we played back in 1998. In fact they still had an old 800 Octane sticker in the bathroom. Judging from the floor in there that was probably the last time they cleaned it as well. Just like last time we played there the show totally sucked ass. No one was there and the people that were didn’t give a crap about us. One girl even said “I have a new worst show” as if we had tortured her finely tuned musical ears. Go home and listen to Creed you dumb bitch. I guess I don’t blame her low opinion because it couldn’t have possibly sounded that good. My wireless broke during the first song, the PA was awful (all treble), and to top it off the guy running sound was actually working at two clubs tonight. After we were done we all went outside to vent and left Kevin in the club with only the merch and the non appreciative fans around him. He said if he were keeping a journal entry it would read “Day 9 … shit on roadie” in response for leaving him in the club without a trace of our whereabouts. Sorry Kevin. Outside we met a guy known as ‘Fuckin’ A Ray’ who claims to book for a club down the street. The dude talks 100 mph and about anythying and everything that crosses his mind. Thank god for Ray since he amused us to no end and cheered us up after our dismal performance. As you can probably have guessed a club like this has to be pretty shitty to deal with and you know what … it was. They wanted to split $30 between the two bands. The door was $5 a head and by the end of the night there were at least 50-60 people there. You do the math. We’ve certainly played for less money (and gladly at that) but it sucks when you are on tour and they try to give you the shaft like that. We drove 500 miles to get there and have 500 tomorrow. I overheard Erosion arguing to the door guy saying the bands deserve more money since we (well actually they) brought the people in. The club didn’t budge so for a while it was looking like we were leaving town with a mere $15. At some point Ray left to go offer his “opinion” to the door guy as well. In the end Erosion gave us all of the door money so we left pleased knowing we did a lot better than we could of. We joked with ourselves that it was pay off money so they wouldn’t have to listen to Ray talk anymore! Actually Ray ended up buying some stuff from us so all in all the money thing turned out well. We spent another night in a truck stop somewhere in Utah.
Show Journal 2001-08-31
Day 8 – We were awoken rudely at 8 in the morning by room service. Today was our last day to hang in Vegas before the tour resumes. At one point we rode the ‘Speed’ roller coaster which was cool. We also crusied over to the Hilton so Jim could check out the Star Trek ride. Kevin and I hung in the bar avoiding eye contact with anyone in Klingon garb. Yes, I am serious. The gambling was good for Kevin today … he scored $95 on the Mr. Lucky nickel slot machine. I ended up losing $20 on the Cleopatra slot machine. Dave and Justin got stuck in tons of traffic leaving LA and were running about 4 hours late so we just went to hang at the Treasure Island bar and later watched a couple of peformances of the Bellagio fountain. God I love that thing. At one point on the walk back to meet Dave and Justin, Jim got slapped on the butt by a passing girl who smiled at him but he’s got no game so she passed on without a word. Next time Jim should ask himself “what would Shabba do?” Of course that would involve him donning a white robe and singing dance hall so we would have bailed on him anyway. Dave and Justin arrived around midnight and then we started the drive to SLC. We has a really cool drive tonight. We passed through the Arizona mountains under a full moon and it was beautiful. I think Kevin is the only other one of us awake enough to remember it. Another truck stop night in Utah.
